You left me

I think that this is an almost beautifully painful heartbreak and it’s like someone ripped the words out of my mouth and breathed it new life.

this is so ethereally written. #Iamshook.

Love,
Tahli. ❤

Still falling

During the day, I kept my nose down and dug in hard for my studies, but at night, right before I’d slip from the edge and fall into sleep, I’d allow myself to wonder and marvel in thoughts of vorfreude. And when I began to overwhelm, it was you, you who came wandering around in my head. I chose to induratize myself, but looking at you it was as if all my nonexistent wishes came true. You made me happy, you made me feel good about myself. Then why did you have to leave? I turned on the lights, the television, and the radio and still I can’t escape the ghost of you. They say bad things happen for a reason, but no wise words are going to stop the bleeding. You had me at a point where I would have left the entire world behind just for you. You…

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Sm;)e

everybody wants happiness,

nobody wants pain.

but you can’t have a rainbow,

without a little bit of rain.


 

I know for a fact that when people saw the title on this blog post, you all were like okay; finally, a fairly light topic that she’s writing about…

Oh, well I can’t say I’m all rainbows and sunshine.

I just wanted to write about people’s assumptions on happiness. I wanted to talk about how some people just deduce out of one small smile that you crack, once in a blue moon, that you are happy, and that nothing’s weighing on your mind.

But contrarily, when you are quiet and really have nothing you want to say, you are immediately assumed to be unhappy.


 

“just peachy”

she muttered.

 

but even a blind man could tell

she wasn’t “just peachy”.

 

maybe she was tired

they thought 

and let the matter go.

 

but you could tell 

it was not just

the lack of sleep,

 

but more

the destitution 

of hope

dreams

and euphoria

 

that made her 

act the way 

she did.

 


 

 

i get jealous of such stupid things when it comes to you.

i’m jealous of the pale, white moon,

who gets to be the one to see you sleep,

all night long.

 

i’m jealous of the morning sun,

who gets to be the one,

to first see you awake.

 

i’m jealous of the coffee cup, 

who gets to be the first one, 

to kiss your sleepy lips apart.  

 

and i’m jealous of your pillows,

who gets to be hugged, 

against your body,

all the damn time.


yes. i’m jealous.

why?

because she’s beautiful,

and well, i’m just,

plain old me.


i hope someone in this whole, wide, vast world of a seven billion odd people will truly feel like this about me… then I can stop asking people this question all the time.

*smiles a wistful smile.*

hey, a girl can dream.

~ Tahlia<3

mirror,mirror.

mirror, mirror on my wall,

I just want to be pretty, thin and tall.

 

mirror, mirror on my wall,

if I change my hair,

maybe someone will start to care?

 

mirror, mirror on my wall,

if I starve myself,

at least i’ll be beautiful,

fuck my health.

 

mirror, mirror, on my wall,

if I slash my wrist,

will it start to make me, 

feel like I exist?

 

mirror, mirror on my wall,

don’t you see,

what you unveil,

 

 

 

its devastating me.


this poem is all about insecurity.

every girl no matter how strong, no matter how beautiful, no matter how rude she seems, she craves for someone to tell her that she’s worth fighting for. . . that she means everything in the world to them.

Whether it’s a friend, a husband, a wife, a girlfriend, boyfriend or a best friend . . . those words are what every girl in this whole damned universe ever yearns to hear.


i’m especially proud of this one.

see, there not many things that I write that I’m proud of.

this happens to be one of them. because even if one person reads this. they know what they have to say tonight when they go back home to that one special woman in their life to erase all doubts and insecurity from their minds.

~ Tahlia ❤

athazagoraphobia.

i’m used to being forgotten.

i’m used to coming second.

i’m used to being stood up on.

i’m used to being left alone.

but that doesn’t mean 

i am 

okay

with

it.


sometimes you feel like no one really knows you exist. no one really cares for your presence. you feel like people think about you only when everyone else is gone.

And then you think that if you disappear people will suddenly realise the difference you made.

Don’t make that mistake. I did. Eventually, you’ll understand that it’s not about making an impact. you just don’t want to be forgotten. so you do something so completely extreme, just so that your name will be the talk of town for the times to come.

but have you ever wondered what happens after that? yes, people will talk in hushed whispers about you. but for how long? a few weeks, months, years even . . . but then they realise that there is no point in living among the ghosts and they keep going.

they realise that shit happens and that they need to move on. they have the choice to move on. But you don’t. Because you made the rash, split-second decision and you can’t leave that behind. you’re stuck in time. but they’re not.

it’s not their lives that have been frozen.

it’s yours.


athazagoraphobia.

(n.) the fear of being forgotten or ignored.

XOXO, phobiaobsessions ❤

~ Tahlia.


deep i know. but well, it was weighing down on my mind and i had to.

yes, i made an attempt to kill myself.

yes, i’m so bloody broken that people whisper ’bout me on the train and point to me and tell their children that i’m the girl that tried to end her life.

yes, i was in a bad place.

and yes, i felt like i was just a cloud floating amongst the millions of stars in the world, so i tried to shatter myself so i could be remembered as a broken star. . . but never the less a star.

i tried to overdose myself to death because i was tired of being the nerdy girl who was on the honours roll and did nothing reckless in her life. i was sick of being the girl who was always on the sidelines. i was tired of being the one that people would look at, only during the exams.

i was frustrated that my life had been mapped out for me.

but now i realise that yes, i was nerdy. but that’s what made me special. and yes, i maybe the nerdy one in high school but once i stepped into the world of college; i would be the one that got into Harvard and the people who demeaned me would be left in the dust reminiscing about their glorious high school days.

Rehab taught me that i would have never had a problem with my self-esteem if i just took a moment of my time and defended myself. if i had just mustered up the courage to stand up for myself.

but now, senior year is a whole new year and my last year of high school and i realise that i have had enough of people pushing me around and i am going to embrace myself.

“I am Tahlia. I have two best friends, who i love to the ends of the world and who i know would do next to anything for me. 

 I love to write, swim and doodle Mrs Damon Salvatore on my books and I am not ashamed of it. I would rather sit cooped up in my room with a Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough and a book in my hands than getting drunk off of my ass on a Friday evening.

The secret is to accept yourself and to understand that if you like what you see in the mirror, every morning when you wake up then you will start to notice that no one else has a problem with it. 

And if someone does have a problem . . .

Then all you have to do is tell them to fuck the hell off.”

 

You don’t need stamps of approval from others. 

All you need is acceptance for yourself.