and we’re back to my irrational love of phobias
* * *
fear of abandonment.
of being left alone.
of being unloved.
the one thing she never wanted to face hence the one thing she obviously did.
she was surrounded though.
surrounded by friends.
but they blurred. they blurred together and resulted in the formation of this one white spot. they were empty. shallow. meaningless.
did they even care? want to know her? about her?
of course, they didn’t.
they just stuck around for the occasional laughs and gossip and spineless rumors.
sometimes she wondered if anyone ever stopped to wonder how meaningless this system was.
they woke up
took a shower
went to school
came back home
then talked some more
and went to bed
weren’t people tired of this,
this recurring system of bullshit.
there was no substance.
why? why did she have to study, to work hard, get good grades, top the class, get into a good college, make friends, have a good boyfriend, learn to drive, why?
what was SHE going to get out of this?
happiness? there was an easier way to get there, wasn’t there?
she didn’t have to please the rest of the world just so she could be happy, did she?
and what was happiness anyway,
a smirk maybe?
no one actually knew
how could anyone manage to stand there and do the same monotonous things over and over again hoping to achieve happiness if their destination was based on an assumption?
especially if no one even knew what it even was.
and for that same twisted thing they called happiness attained in whatever ways they thought was reasonable, they left her deserted, isolated, left trapped in her own world…
all because of their lust to be happy, they turned selfish and weren’t bothered enough to look at her and watch her
unable to express.
unable to move.
wanting to but unable to.
she was frozen.
* * *
just another aimless fragment of my thoughts,